If you suspect your child or a child relative has experienced sexual abuse, the right thing to do is to ask the child. Most people ignore the signs and doing that is NEVER the right thing. Risk your personal embarrassment for the sake of the child. The alternative of ignoring your feeling will be a million times worse for the child in the long run.
Are you wondering what to do during the child abuse discussion? What do you say if the child discloses the sexual child abuse? How do you care for the child after the disclosure of sexual abuse?
Find a safe place to talk.
Avoid expressing panic / shock.
Do not pressure the child to tell you more.
Ask limited questions.
Listen closely.
Reassure child it is good to tell.
Tell child it’s not his / her fault.
Tell child he / she is not in trouble.
Tell child you will protect him / her.
If you become upset, tell child you are upset with abuser, not him / her.
NOTIFY LAW ENFORCEMENT IMMEDIATELY.
And remember, child abuse should be reported to local law enforcement. Always. Period. It is rare for a child to lie about sexual abuse.
If you are struggling with the decision to contact law enforcement, please message me or leave a comment below are call the 800 number at the top of this page.
What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Everyone has been scared at one time or another. Our fight or flight response when we are scared is actually a healthy reaction since it helps us make decisions in order to stay safe. When someone has PTSD, this reaction has been damaged and actually becomes an unhealthy issue. A person who has PTSD continues to feel frightened or even as if he or she is about to die when the danger is no longer present.
PTSD can “result from a variety of traumatic incidents, such as mugging, rape, torture, being kidnapped or held captive, child abuse, car accidents, train wrecks, plane crashes, bombings, or natural disasters such as floods or earthquakes.”
It is important to support those with PTSD who have been through child sexual abuse and educate yourself on the disorder. Most people who have experienced sexual abuse as children were traumatized by their own brothers, sisters, even fathers and mothers. Remember to put yourself in their shoes – imagine if your father / mother tortured you as a child, perhaps for years.
It can take years to recover and some battle their recurring and terrifying memories for life. There are actually many things we can learn from those who have PTSD. See the Top 50 Bloggers on PTSD.
“Child sexual abuse accommodation syndrome (CSAAS) is a non-diagnostic syndrome developed by Roland C. Summit in 1983 to describe how he believed sexually abused children responded to ongoing abuse.”
STAGE 1: Secrecy
The secret of the abuse is what makes the child scared and also makes the child hope that “it” will get better. The adult’s threats, child’s natural helplessness, and lack of sexual abuse understanding quickly drown the child’s desire to expose the abuse.
…SECRETS ABOUT BODY PARTS ARE OFF LIMITS
Parents and caretakers MUST be proactive and nurture a loving relationship with children. Loving adults must verbally have the conversation that NO ONE should be touching the child’s private parts. The child should be told that no one should be threatening the child. It is not right for adults to have secrets with children. A child should be reassured that adults can take care of themselves and that it is not the child’s burden to bear, no matter what. This conversation should be had with the child as early as age 4.
A child should NEVER be scolded or blamed for revealing abuse. As parents, we are responsible for teaching children what is right and wrong, what to put up with and what not to, and if they have been sexually abused, it is never their fault. If you have ever blamed your child for sexual abuse, or gotten angry with them, you need to apologize immediately. Even if it was 20 years ago. It is our duty to display how much we love them and help them understand that they can tell us anything. And if your child never tells you of the abuse for 10 years, or longer, it is still not their error. Shame has the power to silence a survivor for decades.
Sexual child abuse is done by all types of people, including mothers. Childhood sexual abuse is a largely ignored pandemic all over the world. Sexual abuse signs are obvious yet made invisible by society. This is truly unfortunate sing sexual abuse effects usually last for years, decades, and often times lifetimes. This in depth account goes into detail about one story…
My mother started sexually abusing me when… read more.
“Grooming is a process used to prepare a child for sexual abuse. The offender aims to gain the trust of the child and those around him or her who act as inhibitors, preventing the offender for getting access to the child.”
TIPS TO TEACH YOUR KIDS:
Treat others online how you want to be treated
Keep your personal info private
Use a strong password
Choose friends wisely
Check privacy settings
Trust your instincts, don’t do anything you don’t want to, and nothing someone is trying to force you to
Set boundaries, ensure your filters are age appropriate
Foster good communication with your kids. Stop and think to yourself if you feel your child would tell you anything, or just about anything. Be honest with yourself. If you think they will lie, then have a conversation with them about how YOU can be a better parent.
Kids who feel their parents love them don’t need to look for outside sources for love, by other adults. Remember it is your responsibility to ask your kids how their day was and who their friends are.
Your child’s interactions with adults should be very limited until they become adults themselves. Your goal should be never to leave your child alone with an adult. This may sound absurd, but the fact is that childhood sexual abuse is ignored or not believed by adults. You need to work even harder to be sure your kids feel comfortable enough to talk to you if it happens to them.
The #1 sexual abuser is a parent. That’s right. Studies show this is fact.
BREAKDOWN OF PERPETRATOR OR SEXUAL PREDATOR:
Parent 79%
Other relative 7%
Other 5%
Unknown / missing 4%
Unmarried partner of parent 4%
Child daycare provider 1%
Foster parent <1%
Friends / neighbors <1%
Residential facility staff <1%
Legal guardian <1%
Other professional <1%
Childhood sexual abuse is a scary thought, but it is more real than most would like to admit. It is an even scarier thought that a parent is most likely to be the offender.
Always know about your spouse’s upbringing before marrying him or her and especially before having kids. Child sexual abuse is a pattern passed down from parent to child, or family member to family member.
If your spouse was abused growing up, he or she needs to be open about it either to you or a therapist. On the same token, you as a spouse should be loving and supportive since the trauma was not his or her fault. He or she needs to be aware of the effects of the trauma so that patterns are not repeated. People sexually abused as children are at higher risk of abusing their children.
You need to keep your children safe and you also want to be supportive of your spouse as well while he or she heals.
Read this attachment for help on how to talk to your child about not tolerating sexual abuse, for ages 4 through 18. All children need to understand what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior. Otherwise, many children grow up thinking sexual abuse is normal and realize the truth when they get older.
If you don’t report sexual abuse, ask yourself this:
How many children will this person abuse in the future?
How will my siblings be affected? Is this person able to abuse them?
How will my other children be affected?
How many children did this person abuse before?
What if my family has young children and this person is around them?
Do I really think this person’s abusive patterns will just go away? How?
Am I running away from the problem? If so, how will I cope in the future?
Is keeping quiet the easier way out for me? Am I being selfish? (Note: if you are the one being abused, it is NEVER selfish to report it to authorities)
Is the abusive person possibly sick and need help?
Is the abusive person trying to manipulate or make me feel bad?
Have I contacted a hotline for CONFIDENTIAL advice? (1-800-422-4453)
How will the abused person cope in the future when they realized what happened in hindsight? What will he / she feel about me for not sticking up for him / her?
Am I a Christian? Have I looked in the bible about what it says about lying and not protecting the innocent?
ABSTRACT: Ninety-one child sex offenders were interviewed about the methods they used to target children, the age range of their victims, how they selected children and maintained them as victims, and what suggestions they had for preventing child sexual abuse. Offenders were selected from treatment programs, probation, special hospitals, and prisons. They were interviewed using a semi-structured questionnaire. Results indicate that offenders gained access to children through caretaking, such as babysitting; targeted children by using bribes, gifts and games; used force, anger, threats, and bribes to ensure their continuing compliance; and systematically desensitized children through touch, talk about sex, and persuasion. Nearly half the offenders had no bad feelings about sexually abusing children. The implications for prevention programs are discussed.
I don’t know if it is luck or ignorance, or a bit of both, but up until this last week i have paid very little attention to emotional flashbacks, the visual ones i get, i get how a trigger can stimulate a memory so it jumps into your head, be it in snapshot form or video style, that in my head is understandable. i have experienced quite a few emotional flashbacks this week, it has taken me lots of thinking to figure out what has been happening to me, why i have been so insanely overwhelmed with despair or fear. Having realized what these are, i can now see that i have been behaving like this since i was young, for no reason what so ever just filling up with overwhelming grief and despair. Its comforting in a way to know why i break down for no apparent reason, but…
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) is dedicated to the prevention of child abuse
Staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
170 languages
All calls are anonymous &confidential
Calls come from children at risk for abuse, distressed parents seeking crisis intervention & concerned individuals who suspect abuse may be occurring, those mandated by law to report suspected abuse
Are in physical or emotional crisis & need support & encouragement
Connect you to best possible resources in your area
Need to find out how to report known or suspected abuse
Have questions about the reporting process & what you might expect through the process
Want to learn about Childhelp programs that will address you or your child’s needs
Want to learn about resources available to parents, grandparents & caregivers
Need emotional support as survivor of abuse
Want a referral to an agency, counseling or other services near where you live
Want literature mailed to you
Want information on how to make a donation to Childhelp
“I believe everyone is born with a purpose and I found my purpose through the pain that has taken place in my life. I decided at a young age to take a stand against evil and instead expose it to put a silent epidemic in the spotlight and be a voice for the voiceless.”
Making others uncomfortable by ignoring social, emotional, or physical boundaries or limits
Refusing to let a child set any of his or her own limits; using teasing or belittling language to keep a child from setting a limit
Insisting on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with, or holding a child even when child does not want physical contact or attention
Turning to a child for emotional or physical comfort by sharing personal or private information or activities that are normally shared with adults
Frequently pointing out sexual images or telling inappropriate or suggestive jokes with children present
Exposing child to adult sexual interactions without apparent concern
Having secret interactions with teens or children (e.g., games; sharing drugs, alcohol, or sexual material) or spending excessive time e-mailing, text-messaging, or calling children or youth
Being overly interested in the sexuality of a particular child or teen (e.g., talks repeatedly about the child’s developing body or interferes with normal teen dating)
Insisting on or managing to spend unusual amounts of uninterrupted time alone with a child
Seeming “too good to be true” (e.g., frequently babysits different children for free, takes children on special outings alone, buys children gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason)
Frequently walking in on children/teens in the bathroom
Allowing children or teens to consistently get away with inappropriate behaviors
Imagine you are a beautiful young child, a zebra. You are a happy youth. You have many fun friends, you enjoy learning at school, you have funny siblings, you get to play outside everyday, and you eat well.
You live at home with your parents in a comfortable area amidst the warm brush. Your dwelling is wide open in the beautiful grassland; you enjoy a lounging place, your room area, and so on.
Then suddenly you see the most fierce lion across the grassland looking right at you. You are beyond terrified for your life. You look around for your mother and father, and quickly find them nearby. Relief showers you.
Your mother assures you never to fear, the lion is simply your relative, of another blood line of course. The lion only appears scary in your mind because you are but a small zebra. She reassures you over and over. Although a little unsure, you trust her judgment. Surely she would let no harm near you. So you go on about your oblivious joys in life, just a tad unsettled, sometimes checking to ensure your distance from the lion.
One day, you catch the lion approaching and you are caught off guard, more fearful than the first sight of him. You run to your mother again and she holds you. She tells you, never fear, the lion will do no harm. The lion will do no harm. The fear is all in your mind. You insist that the beast is after you but your cries fall at an invisible wall.
It becomes more difficult for you to enjoy the freedom of life but you manage. You learn how to play and watch your back at the same time. You start feel apprehensive traveling back home after a day of play knowing you will likely see the lion edging closer to your comfort zone.
You now live with a constant, but subtle uneasiness. You are forced to repeat your mother’s reassuring words in your mind from sun up to sun down just to maintain a certain childlike sanity.
One morning, you suddenly awake and find the ferocious lion standing over you. You want to scream but are too afraid to start a commotion. All you can do is hold your breath until the lion leaves you. At first opportunity you tell your mother, and after so many words from her you realize she does not understand. You realize that she is on the lion’s side and it is up to you to keep safe.
Everyday you see the lion’s hungry face and it is the last thing you see every night before you close your eyes. Day in and day out, week in, week out, a month passes, and another, and another. The lion is there gaining closer and closer, inch by inch. Now a year has lapsed, and another, and another, until you have lost count of time altogether.
The lion appears to be the same, always ready to pounce on its prey, you. Although so close, the lion waits for the right moment an so do you. You have been forced to fight your fear of the lion that all your focus, energy, and memories are of the lion. How do I fight back? How can I overtake the lion? I am but a baby zebra. How do I escape?
Every waking hour, minute, second of your life is focused on the lion hovering over you. Your only hope is to dream a good dream when you’re not worried about the lion consuming you in your slumber. Before you know it, all your fun friends, favorite hobbies, loving family, even reassuring mother have become a fused fog in your sight. You have almost forgotten how it feels to play, or jump, or eat, or sleep, or learn. All you know of is Fear, how it smells, how it tastes, how it looks, how it feels, how it sounds.
All day, for years, your mind has been an ocean of fearful thoughts, despairing escape plans, perpetual sadness, dead-end solutions, muscle-tightening angst, black hole loneliness, panic ridden suspicions, just to skim the surface.
Suddenly your environment changes.
You are no longer a child. Your mother is gone. Your friends have moved on. You even live somewhere else. And even the lion himself is gone. But somehow [you] remain.
Those around you are confused and asking why are you so down? What is there to fear? There is no one here. Who is there to be afraid of? Whatever it was is gone, they say. Where is your joy? Don’t you know how to rejoice? Where is your desire? Why are you so angry? Why can’t you speak up?
The past five years were one long day in your mind that you never got a good night sleep from. You never got to sleep. You have been terribly harassed by unending evils with not a moment of carefree breath, not even for one minute, and suddenly those around you are expecting you be happy and well-mannered.
You have been regretfully suiting up for a horrific bloody battle, expecting you would be the casualty, for thousands of days in a row, and others who care for you cannot understand why today is any different?
All those constant thoughts and fears don’t stop flooding your mind just because the scenery changed.
The Seven Campaign is a global awareness campaign to advocate for an end to the abuse of children around the world. The Seven Campaign seeks to mobilize people around the world to join a global grassroots movement to help children in their own communities.
THE PLAN TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY
The Seven Campaign is calling you to take the most important stand to raise awareness about the pandemic of child abuse. Thecampaign partners have prepared free resources for you to use and share within your community.
YOU are responsible for educating your daughter, son, brother, sister, niece, nephew, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandma & pa about keeping our kids safe from sexual abuse. Be a hero and do the right thing if the time comes.
If you suspect your child or a child relative has experienced sexual abuse, the right thing to do is to ask the child. Most people ignore the signs and doing that is NEVER the right thing. Risk your personal embarrassment for the sake of the child. The alternative of ignoring your feeling will be a million times worse for the child in the long run.
YOU CAN BE A HERO | When a lie lives, a child dies 
