What Do I Do If My Child Discloses Sexual Abuse?

Sexual-AbuseIf you suspect your child or a child relative has experienced sexual abuse, the right thing to do is to ask the child. Most people ignore the signs and doing that is NEVER the right thing. Risk your personal embarrassment for the sake of the child. The alternative of ignoring your feeling will be a million times worse for the child in the long run.

Are you wondering what to do during the child abuse discussion? What do you say if the child discloses the sexual child abuse? How do you care for the child after the disclosure of sexual abuse?

  1. Find a safe place to talk.
  2. Avoid expressing panic / shock.
  3. Do not pressure the child to tell you more.
  4. Ask limited questions.
  5. Listen closely.
  6. Reassure child it is good to tell.
  7. Tell child it’s not his / her fault.
  8. Tell child he / she is not in trouble.
  9. Tell child you will protect him / her.
  10. If you become upset, tell child you are upset with abuser, not him / her.
  11. NOTIFY LAW ENFORCEMENT IMMEDIATELY.

And remember, child abuse should be reported to local law enforcement. Always. Period. It is rare for a child to lie about sexual abuse.

If you are struggling with the decision to contact law enforcement, please message me or leave a comment below are call the 800 number at the top of this page.

What To Do If Sexual Abuse Occurs | CHILD LURES PREVENTION

Top Bloggers on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

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What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Everyone has been scared at one time or another. Our fight or flight response when we are scared is actually a healthy reaction since it helps us make decisions in order to stay safe. When someone has PTSD, this reaction has been damaged and actually becomes an unhealthy issue. A person who has PTSD continues to feel frightened or even as if he or she is about to die when the danger is no longer present.

PTSD can “result from a variety of traumatic incidents, such as mugging, rape, torture, being kidnapped or held captive, child abuse, car accidents, train wrecks, plane crashes, bombings, or natural disasters such as floods or earthquakes.”

It is important to support those with PTSD who have been through child sexual abuse and educate yourself on the disorder. Most people who have experienced sexual abuse as children were traumatized by their own brothers, sisters, even fathers and mothers. Remember to put yourself in their shoes – imagine if your father / mother tortured you as a child, perhaps for years.

It can take years to recover and some battle their recurring and terrifying memories for life. There are actually many things we can learn from those who have PTSD. See the Top 50 Bloggers on PTSD.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder | NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF MENTAL HEALTH

Child Sexual Abuse And Accommodation Syndrome (CSAAS)

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ViURX2uB70QcAkhR6ClnJDbgQD6miK5KluAeI71pBt+CcgTRQyi2Q4G2Mg5xQQqFIgQM1rc0DzfMUCXW7y2rG/xwLojZZEbnEwQB275OO1B6ZpLbqmt1t3cVSRbeALRPPHJ96D1jp97VauzcsLuJG1jMfCuf+2+k1PQek277agtqrtwKlgmVjkkxkf5FS8dyvTrhyzCarsbfUdO7xbYQDE+tTva+0iSWH1rxrQfaHq7GF+7rmPwt/erZb+v1SN951pAiYtjbPtNanBmzefF0/WvthpND5WuLvP4VGSflXn3XPtxd1ivb0+m3IefEiPpU+p6O1csubOX59zTnTeldKufZu51rVKt97SPvtEwQ69vng/Ous4ZO653mt8cf0zrPWLGqnQXmQk/+Mfg+hr0PpH2r6stof8AUNCxXg3LPm/LmuL6HaD3jdKgE5MDAE13uguW1RVJxXTLiljnjyZS+rix9oNPqElbg9wTkVDUdatbSLtxSvxqg61b099NxCkgYYYI+dcNd1F9b4HjOybjKlpx8ea89/H347z8iT2O4tXV1GpvXLZm2SFU+sc1skwTgH4zQtPctLpbH3dwLJthgWPI5+VbuPJhRg94qa10lu7sK++8DP0pV2JMEz6kdqldBDlSxiZ+dC3QCoM1UQkfzD/fnWVEkEkxWVR3wfH9qLeIa2TIWaStuAwniM0aCygACfczXBsjr3S4rEAeUSatdM4tae1YdouhBj1qr1i+Jfs2WSVukBl9AMmfyp5wx1dq5G4BSCaosrLxgST6Ulqrh8bwix3XWBGe1ES5Ajt70K4tt7q3lJDY/wBzUD3Tb7PpFDYZDtIotty99lXAA83tSWgYabSmSSxM8UzZYeIzAr5hzVRnUkB0rENDKJBAzNLWEd13FgAxBVp5x7f7zTQKi2FndHJPpS2juC7vQ7oTAJEA/KgsTtTaq/wiIoGlizbKuRJctj41nindt3Fo9f8AFCa6VAAAK95NA0rYB3Ag944o1t+wyKrFuGRPB4pm04yJ+MVYh1pnJERW1QCJIHoKW8UOuexii2yG4J2991VDIOJBBA5gVOFjy5igpcUeWCJqRZcAn8qoyJk8n3rhv2pKU03StyYZrlxT6kbP812qks4VQ0sYFcb+2TV231HTNAikJYssx3LBLEgfoprrwzeW2M704fp2bQubPLcLFZMkZIE/SnRd2yA30NVfTr/7tre7y7yFAPY5/U/n7U1kjcREE163BLVMyMbidx5lFBua+xZ+y3UtHBF29et3F+GAw/IUbdKwT8DVfr9KLyMUHP4l/qKaJUemXNygqAqsYA9BV8ush5BMAdvia5vplzbCtjbg1ZLdD7CDhhS+B7qeqmyWU8Ak59q5F97OoWSzGI9f9NXfUXH3e4S22YUfWq/oFganq1lWPlSbkdsdvrFc96lrU7djpbY02ntadVMW0VJjBod25cR9hGDiRTJxAJn29aBeJyIAHavK9BO5hDuZpnNLtG7DZ+k0XUEAY78waVuPIAg8VqMoHUCT+H6msqBuNP4F+lZQd8bjSpA8x5mii8RcyYk/WkPFLMtwSog59MVM3hcKkCVOfevO7DI5OpOf4QAAO0mmt5VhtJiq17gDgISMQfzo/jEY3YjvQOLdMMScT+VbDSY80qJpRWZU3EkNJgzW0O5QwJUkzFA8jnw+T5c/Gi27qkqGUqCYiMik/EAABPAn2FTRx94RCIKicYohvxN1wpt54EYFQs3g+9VwFMloiheOyuxI/BNJ6LU22e6isxZXJnbH+81RZZDbleccT3rZcurqAQJ79qBbuSgYg8ceuKkzgKJ4OTFEGNxIUKJ2+lFsFgSGP09KQDyUC8E0dbvmCbsk8x+tIHgF3kggjvmj2nUSqt9aQQqEYQD3kHmmFKgAkEDseaqHcmfPBjkVjwVwZA5pZXBDb5GTGIo0oZUcyJg1UQ33FgrIMggivP8A9qWubXfaq5deR4diym308m4/mxr07pWm8TxLt2295LceUCdx9/avHPtlrh1H7Ra/UKAFe9Aj0Hl/pXp4JfXPkqn0Ti02oRQhZl4biDg0213xLMgn2J5ImJj/AH6VU6gtZuW7y524YeoPNNae9aVHcmS7LEz5vb6fmBXocTpICjbO741EuGEyZqLupA2SQVwaGTB80waoU1S+DcZ1wHw1F0l4NaQfyvxW9SoKMCe1V2kfZduIZxkVA71O5OnAPBI7fOi/ZW3u1ty5A8lvv2JI/saS1ri5aXuJkVZfZW6LbahTywU/IT/eufJ1jW8PXQu5KiAZPcUB3YWyCST3zJqVy4ZgGJHp+VK6h3Vz/COBHevLHYK8IImTP5Uo1xVMEQBx71t7rwxfOePagNcJkic8E1qIJ4/ooPzrKEFAH4ZrKqbdycgEGI5JPtFBRWtqBHl9R2peCbgYhgBxU/EfaQuSQYHrXDTsLcuONRbAQBYndOQaOIa2VCkErJHv6UtYcKQGPH15onjMy7pypzHpUUxZ2wQQdwAAzWKWM7j3xJqAvSjAcgdqB458RQSC2ZPvQWO9sFeF5mpDUDxCQgYjBIpAXwqjcSTOcVIX9ysSQDj8R7UD1y7twSxBH4p4+dJ2t51d1mZVBbHv6flUW1FsiGWYOPeo275Vi8HjkDB9Y+lEPteKI5ThRiKG10KoUvAK4AOaSW94m+FmDDA4xW93nLTI7MR681dIbS4RdJDMJHYz/v8Amm2uFCNhntNVdrUBpVh+Hse1HN/zAD8MTNBaW720k3GhYpmzeBwTPcH0FUlu4WVciCcmfemrd1lZVSYPf1qC5W40GIJ4oqNHB+MVWW9RsB3En0zUmvlW3OwhqItR1q70bTau/bZdvgsxJ7QCQa8Qc77hMyWkk+pr1PWt4+nv2xJ322XPuDXlFo/hPEdq9f493LHHlnaVy3uCyMMKzSqnhi25h1Yg8fKmWQeFHoaR1Vib6NOGMyORXfbmbt3ULsmRH8THJP8AN/f6+sauysK49vekF813a7ECcweas71vf5rq3LaFZCQAYAjkHtyQRMVdmiyMWm2csZgev+/80vd0ZRWupO5V8wGQB8fl+Rqz0vS9VcJbT2gqqQwC4hhyCe459TmqbrKavT3/ALtfhba5ton4Y/rxGfSsXOW6jXxZNtFt1sAcAVZfZxX8W9ctjgBfzn+lU1skwJwBXS9ItjT6RQRlzub5/wCKxyX+VwnZ+7A8xGY+tK6pw3JOe1buXvOIWT8aWvnzGJ9Oa4R0oLuQIjcD6UFnIJUD61NzAgD4UIsS/J4rURnjn0P1FZUSXnD47eWsqjr714Jt8MEtySe1RtuLh3ElobCkd/allW64Dt4kf/UQK2NOQMNc5BkLya4uqx0+1LnmUAECARkfKpOwNx9kyDMExFJC3dIEOxgQQR2oq238Qt4wyIOKmgTxzMBcticZqbWDAhgLnJMxQFV1ghxIMgxJFBe9cZysyRwWBx9KaU88LaTzndP4h6/T2oZLyxPrQdxAU+KileAVJzQbup1CkqAGVhBbYRTQatXGneQoVQcbciKK14Mpcbt5HMg7ap7+q1LDYFWCeylYrVq9qrYACLBJJaD+tXSLkDaAbhO8iWLVG5dBthkYMVPE4j41Wvd1a21IFkgYFtTNK/e7yvD2gRHZc/SmhbW74cxEAnJ9KIbxuMEO4J37cVXWr6bN7OyNwEFs1E6y+J22FOcZyR/Shqr+w5XylhE4pkXyWhmE+vFcxb1et3R4WQO0/wBqmeo37Vt3u2YZcAGTu+dTQ6pXkDImPlUGulpJePTHeuat9dfA8GMfzUax1PUXrbG3bWF5O6TJ7cU0Oka+qiZ+Fec9UsroeqXbRB8NnLKR2BMj+1dGddqyrRbQt7E1Q9WXU6o7r1sblwGAPFdeK/Nc85uNIwZYUgg9vX4VZdE6Dd6tdD3d1rSqYLxlvUD+9UGkS5qNVa0yHbcuMFg8Zr1F2Tp2gtWEOVUKCfhFa5uW4zU9OHjmV3XBdY0Nvp/UNQlsKipchbrcxyI9/hmq211RLF+3auO4tk+Y8c/oParfr95Lt25cMMyzLEZNcZeDMzO2Sxmrhlc8ezPGYXp610J7RtqRtiMelJ/a3oCdR0hvaZV8W3lZ71yn2O6syaoaG6xKv/4yex9K9K0jADY3mP615cvrjzerG48mLyCxp7i3vutxCj7vMCOK6JLqKoGeIroPtL0Q3UOo06ILyjAI5HpXENqb4LW2RQQSI9K7zP8AZHmyw+Ks7l0bucEYpV7sty0d880n410mWjjvWM11p4zzn/FXTOxXuDsIHYUsXi5JrbLcY8/KsNi45BM49K0iJVySRx8aytmy/qP/AGrKD0Z9PZIgWUY+kCoDS2nPlsooPcd/h/enReBPnYAekVIXFY4MD/6mvO7FBoRwsY963/03vj3M06rWy3mYBuwzUt1ojNxfTigrW0m3JdQOwNRXp7OOAfhVtbNu2m1GUDsAABUxetj+JR8KG1G+icOqLZDHuGajt007hCLx34q28ZGP4kke4oZ1CboFxB86dm1Xd0LIFi2oHc5ihfdLzpKKmP5pqw1Dl3WbpFteyDJ+c1PxVIBVmAA4Ak1O1Uz6ZmbzvkeimKitpt5REE94WrDVuCJstc3kx5h/ii6Ow1sTcuqWOSO1VFW9i8ZnAHMgil0Y+MJuWgx4X1+FX+qAKsLd9c9t9KIt14PhoscMSKBY+IqgM6AHA8p5qXhvaRmZl28ktx+dNXQYUuEbacGMzWPb3MsB+ZkHA/OqhNVeI2q/uUFTNi8VJVUzxzn5U54bep/9qBe1NvTOqO9wF+ItM36CibL3LFzbBtCfagXLbgbXTtgRT6ujsAt9juOAJn6dvnFbuC5bUl2O3nLTWvD0p9nujWm6kvUXtFVtA7TBEscce2auetFLqQMwKqtXrLiOoW5cRVtEhMiTiPlE0nc1r+HcB1S4FtVLkCWIyfhkVwtuV29WPH8xzfVvNqDZe54a/wA0TNV33TTHH3i43wUVfavSN1fqLfd1PgK2bu2ARVlp+hW7Qx4fGZ5r1YZaxeTkm8nDnTtpLyX7ZuEowZSRGRXqnSeqW9VZS5tKkrweRVM/R1fcGUQcdqc0rto7YS4ivbH8dsgke5H9prnzf1Jpvh/ne3RFxcTz5EVzH2i6GmpZr+jULeAyP5/81dWr9p0Dq4a2RIZTNAv6y3A8KWBMBhxPofQ1wxtl3HpuMymq4AWLiuUdWVwYIIg0dNBcK7irkesV02rS3qT/ANwqI64DgQQfRqSsG2SRu2leQxr0457eXPiuKtt9MubFY222NwT3ow6eQJlhPbirMQBOxSfWpACfwgfKtbY0qx05o/C/1NZVrK/yr9Kymxc29Oj5LMJ7BGNEOksvBCEg/wARBH9KKbd52ZgXHfaDj4UfwboybjbY9K5N7JfdrBOySB7f8VJdFYBBW43tjn8qbPjRAuhR2kCTQidQSQ15sZ8oEUNhpp7bjys5zG4Sv/NEGnUHDwPdqNatszAm4xnsMTU7+luXGBt3TbA4G2aGy5sZjxQcdyM/Wgto0LEM64zOIp21ZvIhVrpcyTJUCB8qh93uKT+9ZieRxTRsld0llRKOm7uRtxQ/AVdx8YhVySYE00+jcDc52qD6YoA6ct4+dyxXuZGfkagFasMqm5BDZIj+H3+NSt277fwbUPq5JPyrL1tixtC7wQANpz/ipvp76bSbpn0FuYoIXdI0gxLT6zUW0d0rISfTc0ULqGn1mzfbvogBjzrk1q3ouo7lN3VIUxIC5/SgYt6R9xJk9gJkTRF095E8x3SIGc1NrFzYoQgkDJPehXLGphRbdUI7su7+ooiS6dwmUXPFR8JrbGQqr7Y5odnT30dhdvvcJ+AHyj+9HS2vmJJIn+Ic0EVnaXG32IqT2nNuH2tIyCpINQS06qWXAP8ACVitlSjD4fhCgVQo/SdBcYM2jssf/ms/SaPa09uxmzprK9wUQA0bJVdi2wwIksDBHeOM1Mpagfu1n2UE0NlgXDFiVAP80VG2zkmDbg5pq7Yto8XbYGJEoKX1F7T6Yjdbb/8ACCKAgJj+Ek4hTwa1bd1aGV4nHkMRSJ6lp9pK2bnPsKPp763iIs3RPBYYoDX9Pbugw2xjyUaM+9J6nQXVW67atijLDBrYPz+P+KcdlRoHzhf8UQryCoBjvFNRqZ5TyqK50TUXFC/9QuxtAnYs44M0Wz0nwbxvPqdRduHkswH6VaMlxQTIJPAgYoJcKN15QpHdmFXxLlb6GVj+EfWobzkGTWrmq0kRvBj40Kze0XiBQQGJ4LH+tVkXxCMeGayjbbf+tWVRbaTNokxNSs2ltPcZN0uZMsT9J4HsKysrEUJr1xWw3pRGY7yMcelZWVRs3HmNxjuKhZPhq3hhVmQdqgTWVlAZrtwWwQ2SKw3HKzuMzWVlUK39RdF3aHgbJ4p0/utMxt+WEMRWVlQUenv3bty5vcmLYb0yatLl64BchvwnGKysrM9W+FbWou3r9tbrBljdBUcjimmuNHP5VlZWkStsVAAj6Cs8a5J83b0FZWURHxGKSSJn0oZYhSRHPoKysqAx/EMD6UJrjLe2iIj0FZWVQUGQJCmf/iKEx8x449KysoNWzuUkgHJ7D1rQMgExIOCB7VlZVE7LFpmMcYHpU081yCBx6VlZQaxDYGJiokATAA+ArKyqyAxJB9vag3rFq6gW5bVhzxWVlFJjRabdt8IRimbWlsWSvhWkUk5MZ+tZWVFEJzWVlZVR/9k=
Image courtesy http://www.livescience.com/22017-childhood-mistreatment-mental-illness.html

“Child sexual abuse accommodation syndrome (CSAAS) is a non-diagnostic syndrome developed by Roland C. Summit in 1983 to describe how he believed sexually abused children responded to ongoing abuse.”

STAGE 1: Secrecy

The secret of the abuse is what makes the child scared and also makes the child hope that “it” will get better. The adult’s threats, child’s natural helplessness, and lack of sexual abuse understanding quickly drown the child’s desire to expose the abuse.

…SECRETS ABOUT BODY PARTS ARE OFF LIMITS

Parents and caretakers MUST be proactive and nurture a loving relationship with children. Loving adults must verbally have the conversation that NO ONE should be touching the child’s private parts. The child should be told that no one should be threatening the child. It is not right for adults to have secrets with children. A child should be reassured that adults can take care of themselves and that it is not the child’s burden to bear, no matter what. This conversation should be had with the child as early as age 4.

A child should NEVER be scolded or blamed for revealing abuse. As parents, we are responsible for teaching children what is right and wrong, what to put up with and what not to, and if they have been sexually abused, it is never their fault. If you have ever blamed your child for sexual abuse, or gotten angry with them, you need to apologize immediately. Even if it was 20 years ago. It is our duty to display how much we love them and help them understand that they can tell us anything. And if your child never tells you of the abuse for 10 years, or longer, it is still not their error. Shame has the power to silence a survivor for decades.

STAGE 2: Helplessness

STAGE 3: Entrapment & Accommodation

STAGE 4: Delayed Disclosure

STAGE 5: Retraction

Read more

Need more help? Call 18004achild for safe, anonymous support.

Sexually Abused By Her Mother

Image courtesy http://faithallen.wordpress.com/faith-allens-story/
Image courtesy http://faithallen.wordpress.com/faith-allens-story/

Sexual child abuse is done by all types of people, including mothers. Childhood sexual abuse is a largely ignored pandemic all over the world. Sexual abuse signs are obvious yet made invisible by society. This is truly unfortunate sing sexual abuse effects usually last for years, decades, and often times lifetimes. This in depth account goes into detail about one story…

My mother started sexually abusing me when… read more.

Warning Signs for Sexual Abuse by a Female

Image courtesy http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/351/2/9/woman__s_back_study_by_letholdus-d4jetp8.jpg
Image courtesy http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/351/2/9/woman__s_back_study_by_letholdus-d4jetp8.jpg

info courtesy http://ouradopt.com/adoption-blog/aug-2010/faitha/trauma-thursday-warning-signs-sexual-abuse-female

The following are signs of possible abuse by a woman to a child:

  • Ability to “see” mother’s naked body in your own head/knowing things about her body that a child should not
  • Alter parts (or imaginary friends) who are/were male
  • Anorexia (trying to make the body look more boyish than womanly)
  • Aversion to oral sex
  • Aversion to sexual positions involving your breasts
  • Difficulty working with or trusting a female doctor or therapist
  • Difficulty bathing your own children
  • Extreme discomfort discussing periods, bras, and other coming of age issues with your mother
  • Feeling masculine even though you are attracted to men
  • Feeling more comfortable as a “he”
  • Feelings of disdain and scorn toward mother even with no memories of abuse
  • Gender confusion in childhood and/or adulthood
  • Hating your reflection (seeing your physical similarities toward your mother/abuser)
  • Hatred/anger toward breasts
  • Imagining or pretending that you are male on a regular basis
  • Inability to be responsible for yourself (abusive mother encouraged deep dependence)
  • Insomnia when mother is in the same house
  • Memories of inappropriate nudity
  • Nightmares about mother hurting you (not necessarily sexually)
  • Strong reaction to haircuts that make the child resemble her mother

Is Your Child Being Groomed by an Online Predator? Tips

Image courtesy http://assets.rappler.com/412BE9A02E364BA0B596C59A91F33EB6/img/415EFB60BEFD4B4292DEC88CC8E73CA5/infographics-online-safeguarding-children-2013-02-15.jpg
Image courtesy http://assets.rappler.com/412BE9A02E364BA0B596C59A91F33EB6/img/415EFB60BEFD4B4292DEC88CC8E73CA5/infographics-online-safeguarding-children-2013-02-15.jpg

“Grooming is a process used to prepare a child for sexual abuse. The offender aims to gain the trust of the child and those around him or her who act as inhibitors, preventing the offender for getting access to the child.”

TIPS TO TEACH YOUR KIDS:

  • Treat others online how you want to be treated
  • Keep your personal info private
  • Use a strong password
  • Choose friends wisely
  • Check privacy settings
  • Trust your instincts, don’t do anything you don’t want to, and nothing someone is trying to force you to
  • Set boundaries, ensure your filters are age appropriate

Foster good communication with your kids. Stop and think to yourself if you feel your child would tell you anything, or just about anything. Be honest with yourself. If you think they will lie, then have a conversation with them about how YOU can be a better parent.

Kids who feel their parents love them don’t need to look for outside sources for love, by other adults. Remember it is your responsibility to ask your kids how their day was and who their friends are.

Your child’s interactions with adults should be very limited until they become adults themselves. Your goal should be never to leave your child alone with an adult. This may sound absurd, but the fact is that childhood sexual abuse is ignored or not believed by adults. You need to work even harder to be sure your kids feel comfortable enough to talk to you if it happens to them.

The Grooming Process | DEPARTMENT FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILIES

YOU are responsible for educating your daughter, son, brother, sister, niece, nephew, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandma & pa about keeping our kids safe from sexual abuse. Be a hero and do the right thing if the time comes.

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